Evening Comics Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

Late-night's prominent comedians spent the airtime ridiculing President Donald Trump's recently unveiled immigration program, dubbed the "golden visa," describing it as a obvious pay-for-access scheme for the rich.

Colbert's Witty Analysis

Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock holiday jingle directed at the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... destroys each thing he handles."

The focus was the controversial program which permits foreign citizens to purchase U.S. residency for the price of one million dollars, with a "top-tier" option for 5 million. An official website pledges processing "faster than ever."

"A brief message here to affluent foreigners: before you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the card is also intended to "squeeze cash" from firms looking to hire foreign workers, involving significant costs. "That is a lot of fees, but if you register, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a property of your choosing – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he added.

"Unprecedented vetting the U.S. government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit rich overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your poor masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the application, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging poll numbers amid economic concerns. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a attempt to address affordability, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a display of food items, and reacted strangely to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by targeting conservative news arguments of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he remarked.