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The current period marks a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” entered the public consciousness. Back then, the notion that someone could abruptly cease communication with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, seeking a partner has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes unsuccessful exercise in humiliation that is increasingly defined by online jargon.

Generation Z, a demographic who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a concerted attack on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their millennial forerunners could ever imagine. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed breakdown to the words gen Z is using to navigate romance, intimacy and the quest of both. To channel one of the recent most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – According to gen Z, dating’s ultimate goal is presenting as your real, raw self. Best wishes with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s reaction is inquisitive or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while exuding enigma and independence. (She may yet have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This means going for someone who supports you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people form a link while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do affordable dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or split, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie affluence, it describes pairs who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Personal traits signaling a potential partner is trouble. Such as calling their former partners unstable, poor tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks validate your decision to date a partner. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, largely benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their purse, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (few things creates closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An archetype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and usually everyday dealbreakers that instantly extinguish any sense of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet display.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {